Today I was really suffering with our good old pal, Aunt Flow. I had a gas man come round to my house to fit a smart meter (only took 8 months to sort), and though he was only here for an hour at the most, I noticed myself become more and more unnecessarily angry at how long he was taking and how many questions he was asking me, when all I wanted to do was go and buy a shop worth of cake, sweets and maybe some chips. (He was ACTUALLY one of those people that asks you a question and ignores the answer, and then when you ask a question he ignores the question and continues talking about what he wants. INFURIATING!) I started to get myself and little M ready for the walk, and as soon as he was done (van still on my drive) I set off.
With this in mind, I have thought about all the little things we could all do to get us through this uncomfortable time of the month!
Tips to survive P.M.S (that you all want to hear):
1. Always eat crisps packs three at a time. This stops you from getting upset when the first or second crisps packet finishes, yet isn’t enough that you think its an unreasonable amount of crisps.
2. It’s okay to be rude to people that are mean, annoying or rude towards you. If you feel guilty later you can always use the “Sorry about calling you a bitch Grandma, it must have been because I was on my period and I didn’t mean it. I’m sure you remember what that’s like…or do you…that must have been some time ago..hmm?”
3. Never start a diet when you’re on your period. I am a firm believer that you cannot start a diet at a time when you body is physically screaming out for all the carbs you can eat before you turn into a potato. I’m actually on a diet right now though, so I have devised the following…
4. Use this pain chart.
The numbers equate to how many chocolate bars you can have.
5. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Only feel comfortable in pyjamas and have a meeting with suppliers on Tuesday? Wear your pyjamas and maybe if you feel up to it, put on a snazzy suit jacket. No one will care, as frankly, men are a little bit scared on menstruation, and women will totally understand. A Skype meeting from your bed where you only dress your top half is also acceptable.
6. It’s okay for people to know you’re on your period. Don’t know why we feel the need to hide it, but then similarly…
7. It’s okay to punch someone in the face for asking if you’re moody because you’re on your period. You might be moody, but 8 out of 10 times you know if you’re being irrational or not, so chances are that the velocity in which you threw your phone was probably exactly equal to how useless it was being at the time.
8. You don’t have to go out if you don’t want to. Those tampon adverts showing girls out all night doesn’t exactly accurately show the average woman on her period and even though we might be comfortable wearing white shorts (though no one truly is despite the advertisement) a winged sanitary towel doesn’t fight outbreaks, bloating or cramping, so don’t feel peer pressured into going out – you can drink wine at home instead.
I hope this helps anyone cramping at the moment, if this didn’t help I suggest a hot water bottle.