Contraceptive pill

The Contraceptive Pill & Me

When I was fourteen I was prescribed the contraceptive pill to “help” with my periods.

I’d been having periods from the ripe old age of eleven, and after three years of suffering from crippling pain and nights spent spewing my guts into the toilet, I had decided this womanhood malarky wasn’t for me. I hadn’t really considered the contraceptive pill (I was only fourteen and Leo DiCaprio was the only boy I would have even considered kissing never mind anything else), but as soon as my bum had touched the seat in my doctor’s office I was being scurried back out with a prescription for microgynon.

I took the pill for a few months, but stopped as it was doing NOTHING.

When I (eventually) did become sexually active though it was my first choice of contraception. That’s not to say I never used a good old fashioned condom, of course I still did, but there’s definitely something about having some sort of control over ones time of the month that has a great appeal.

Over the next few years I was on and off it, always depending on my sexual promiscuity and my partner at the time, until WHAM BAM POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!

To say it was a shock was an understatement. I had never had any problems with my pill before. I had taken it everyday like clockwork (something that my doctor found hard to believe). I had even gone as far as to borrow one once from an ex-boyfriends neighbour in fear of not taking one at the correct time (that’s a story to tell all on its own, involving a very awkward conversation with my ex’s mum who I was just meeting…). I agonised over how this could have happened, but at the end of the day it had somehow managed to and so soon after, or around nine months or so after, a little mini me was born.

Six weeks after she was born I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss contraception. Frankly I was still in the midst of that lovely period after giving birth where you are scared shitless to ever have sex ever again, but I thought it may be wise to have a chat with her about how I had become pregnant and what my options were now.

I have no idea why, but the only options she seemed comfortable with giving me were what she referred to as a  “different” kind of contraceptive pill or the coil. I winced when she mentioned the coil. I didn’t want anyone or anything up or near or in  that area for a while, so I decided to take her up on her offer of the “different” pill.

I have since discovered, however, that that “different” pill that she put me on was the exact same pill. Exact same ingredients. Exact same quantities. Different manufacturer.

So, to cut a long story short (which I know I haven’t really done but trust me I could have gone on for much longer)…

I’M PREGNANT!

Yup, I’m in the 1%.

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