For some ungodly reason, my little Mini-Me has started whinging when in her pram. She’s only just started walking, and because of this has not yet been set free to ransack the bottom shelves of Asda or Boots, so why she insists that sitting in the pram for longer than 20 minutes is unacceptable, I have no idea!
This always tends to happen in the busiest of shops too – and I’m sure she’s trying to show off to everyone just how little control I actually have her – so I’m always left huffing and puffing trying to quickly grab enough food to see us through a couple of days, as well as a bag of
chocolate buttons organic fruit wiggles to keep her majesty quiet, before we reach Defcon 1.
Then, as I rush out just in time to miss the next bus home, she starts to quieten down…Well, at least for another 10 minutes.
It’s at this point that the little old ladies, usually trailing a floral shopping trolley behind them, start queuing up and insisting on nattering away to my, frankly less than impressed at this point, “little sweetheart”.
“She has it good in there doesn’t she! Wish I could be pushed around all day!”
They usually say, chuckling to themselves.
And they are totally right! What I wouldn’t give to be pushed around whenever I fancied, save my poor little feet and my painfully flat £4 Primark pumps. In fact, Mini has it so good, I’m actually quite jealous.
She has all of her meals prepared for her, and snacks whenever she
demands for them wants.
She doesn’t yet have to carry herself up and down stairs for use of the toilet or to go to bed when she’s passed out on the sofa.
She has a personal shopper, who purchases only the best garments from NEXT, that also dresses her.
She gets a new toy almost every shopping trip, and doesn’t just get boring things like posh Andrex toilet roll as a treat.
She has her nails cut and filed for her at least once a week.
She doesn’t have to wash her own hair, and there is always someone there to make sure the bubbles don’t go into her face.
She has approximately no split ends, despite not having her hair cut in over a year. (Or actually, in her entire life!)
She has her clothes cleaned and laundered, and she never has to wash up after herself.
And most importantly she has absolutely no bills to pay.
Aren’t you jealous of how good your kid has it too? (Tell me I’m not alone!)