This post was supposed to be about travelling on a train with a one year old, after our 5 hour (almost) train journey to Edinburgh for our holiday last week, but as luck would have it Mini-Me was as good as a child possibly could be with very minimal effort from me. I had nothing funny to write about and absolutely no advice to give.
My next idea was to write a post about her behaviour in general on the holiday, but again…very little to report. I did notice that she would happily chow down on a chicken strip from T.G.I.Friday’s, but was disgusted by the very notion of attempting a chicken nugget from Frankie’s and Benny’s…maybe there could be toddler food reviews in our future, but there was very little to go on there.
Then, as we were sat on our train home, my Mother pointed out to me something that had been going on all holiday, right under my nose, that I hadn’t noticed.
The 5 Ways My Kid Is Trying To Get A New Dad
1) Throwing a baby at a passing man on the train. Okay, it wasn’t a real baby, she has a tiny baby doll, but nothing tests a man’s parental instincts more than seeing how well they can catch a flying baby.
2) Hollering at men in the street. I, personally, did not know that Edinburgh was the site for so many stag parties, and always considered it a city of culture, however I soon learnt that it was a hub for horny drunk men, dressed as Scotsmen, stags and bananas, that would eagerly chat up passing women in the street. Unfortunately, baby has not learnt to politely smile and walk away, and instead when they shouted “SHE’S NICE” (Borat style), she shouted back.
3) Patting waiters on the bum. On the second night we went to a small Italian restaurant, ran by an Italian family. The waiters were very friendly (and a little too old and married for me), but when they started tousling Mini-Me’s hair, she saw that as an invitation to start patting them back – on the bum as they passed.
4) Calling men “Dada”. “Dada” was, as it is for so many babies, one of Mini-Me’s first words, however, considering she has only me as an active parent it soon became a word she used less and less, so was ever more shocking when she started shouting it at men who helped us down steps, served us in shops, sat near us on buses etc…
5) Flirting with soldiers. On the train back a group of squaddies joined us in our carriage. From the first moment they sat down, baby decided she needed to be in their view at all time. We had first thought this had been because they were eating chocolates and were happily offering her some, but when the chocolate had gone she still insisted on changing seats three times to be nearer to them, and chatted to them all the way home.